"I NEVER YELL!!!!"

Our nine year old son, Ty,  is very sensitive. If anyone ever raises his voice at him, Ty immediately shuts down. Whatever he was saying or doing he stops and immediately becomes quiet and his entire demeanor changes. I never knew this until he started preschool. One day his preschool teacher said that during lunch, Ty would not answer her when she asked him a question. She kept repeating the question and he kept mumbling the answer. Then he started crying and would not tell her what was wrong. Eventually I figured out the situation. She had asked him a question, and since he was not sure of the answer, he answered quietly and she didn't hear him. She asked him to repeat it, but she was a little irritated, and he could tell. Instead of speaking up, he was afraid of making her more angry, so he kept speaking quietly.  The more she tried to get him to answer, the more harshly she spoke, and the more quietly he spoke. She thought he was being disrespectful and he was afraid of getting in trouble. It was a bad cycle. Ever since that day, I have noticed that when he thinks he is going to be in trouble for something he says, he says it very quietly. We would usually  see it happen with babysitters or with his Dad. He doesn't do it with me, but if anyone else raises his voice to Ty, this is what happens.

Since the accident, Cecil raises his voice in frustration or anger daily. Sometimes it's toward Ty, sometimes it's toward me. It's rarely toward our oldest son who does not irritate Cecil as much as Ty and I do. We aren't trying to make him angry or frustrated, but he looses patience with us easily, especially when he is not feeling well or when he is tired. And I HATE being yelled at. It's a double standard, I know, because I am a "yeller" with firecrackers in my blood, and I have had to learn to control my temper and my tongue.  I never knew this about my husband, but apparently, he has firecrackers in his blood, too, but he has never had outbursts of anger as long as I've known him. Whenever we had arguments before the accident, I would be the one yelling and he would be the one giving the silent treatment. Since the accident, we have reversed those rolls.  In the past week or so, I've started stepping in when he begins to get angry at Ty for no reason, and it's working. Cecil now realizes what he's doing and how it's affecting Ty. He is learning to control himself again, and I am proud of him for it.

I have learned what it's like to be yelled at, and since I don't like it, I think I am going to withdraw my double standard. I am going to work on controlling my temper whenever I am angry and to find a different way to express is besides yelling. If Cecil can do it, I can do it.