I don't know how to title this one, so you can come up with a good title yourself. :o)

As I mentioned yesterday, the past several weeks have been especially challenging. Actually, that is a dramatic understatement.

Whenever his doctor took him off of the medicine that elevated his blood pressure and put him on two blood pressure medicines, things started going downhill.  He went back to being extremely frustrated and angry every day. We think that one of the blood pressure medicines contributed to his emotional challenges (the doctor in the ER told us this is a side effect for some people). He stopped taking that medicine this week, but the change in him began last Tuesday.

From the day he began taking the second medication until last Tuesday morning, every day it was like walking on pins and needles with him. The boys and I tried everything we knew to keep him from getting upset, but nothing worked. No matter how much we deferred to him or tried to do things to please him, he was just plain grouchy every day. He even showed himself while his brother was here for a long weekend for Labor Day.  I was embarrassed over how he was treating me in front of others, angered at the things he was saying to me in private and becoming more and more discouraged that this was going to be my life for the rest of our lives. However, as hard as he pushed, I kept telling him that I wasn't going anywhere. I felt like he was pushing to see how much I would take before I had enough and left him.  He was really, really mean sometimes, and it was a very long few weeks. I didn't know it would only be a few weeks, though. I thought this was our new "normal."

During this time, I had some trouble with my brake lights, a tire that had a gash and needed changing, my oil needed changing, I burned myself severely on our waffle iron, Ty fell off his bunk bed and bruised his ribs (warranting a trip to the doctor for x-rays), and Cecil's friend died. We also had regular life to deal with, such as school and it's projects for the boys, my work, church commitments (which included a HUGE choir and orchestra worship event for which we had been preparing since May) and the boys began their football season. It was not a good time to be dealing with Cecil's emotional issues, but somehow, I managed. I didn't have a nervous breakdown and I didn't get depressed. I depended on the Lord for help and strength, and He sent the right people at the right time. A mechanic friend of ours repaired the brake lights (and changed the windshield wipers); Wal-Mart changed the tires and the oil; we had money in savings to pay for Ty's emergency trip, the tires and the oil change; and our Sunday School teacher helped me know what to do about all of these problems with the car. While our mechanic friend was repairing the breaks, he gave me some really good advice on who to have change the oil next time, too; someone who will be honest give good advice (not that Wal-Mart didn't, but I'd rather support the smaller businesses if I can). The Lord provided people in His church to BE the church for me and for our family.

During Labor Day weekend, however, Cecil got really upset about something and told me that I was NOT going to the funeral with him. He didn't want to have anything to do with me for several days before that (over a disagreement we had about a shelf), and I was really upset about the situation. Instead of keeping it to myself and just praying about it myself (which I mainly had done throughout these several weeks) I asked for help. I sent an email to his family and mine and also our Sunday School teacher and worship pastor. I swallowed some pride and let some of our biggest challenges be known. It was a humbling experience for me, because I do not like to admit when I can't handle something.

And their prayers were answered almost immediately.

There was an IMMEDIATE change in Cecil's behavior towards me. He woke up Wednesday and has been the same Cecil that I married for a week now. The same Cecil that I fell in love with and who treats me the way he did before the accident. There have been moments when he reverted to his brain-injured rantings, but they lasted very briefly. Yesterday, I thought he would be upset about a situation that arose with his mom, but he didn't even MENTION it. Things haven't been perfect in our lives this past week and a half, (including the fact that he had to go to the ER), but instead of being angry all the time, he get frustrated and then gets over it. He doesn't carry the anger around for days and days at a time. And he isn't as easily angered or frustrated with me or with the boys.

I KNOW that it is because of prayer. Prayer changes things.

Proverbs 21:1
"The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes." 

Cecil is the "king" of our home, and I had been trying to make the "king" happy. It's not my job, though. It's God's job. I am thankful that God saw fit to answer the prayers of His people for our family. He didn't have to do this, but He did. He is God, almighty, high, and holy, but He cares about His children, and for that I am truly thankful.

We went to the ER this week. Yep. And his mom is finding out this way.

For Cecil's mom....He didn't want to worry you or his grandmother, so you didn't hear this from me.

The last several weeks have been very difficult. Cecil's blood pressure has still been really high and the medications he has been taking have not helped. I'd been telling him to go to his doctor for over two weeks so that they could adjust his medication, but would he listen to me? We had the medications adjusted earlier this week whenever we visited the emergency room.

On August 31st, a close friend of Cecil's from high school passed away. The memorial service was scheduled for this past Saturday, September 8th in his home town, which is a five hour drive from our home now. Cecil's plan was to drive there, alone, on Friday morning, stay with his mom Friday night, and drive home as soon as the service was over on Saturday afternoon so that he could fulfill his commitments at church on Sunday morning. He did not want me to go with him. He was adamant that I stay home and take care of the boys. He didn't think it would be a problem for him to make the drive by himself, as long as he did it when he was well-rested and had a schedule that he could follow.

His mom was not so sure, and neither was I. I wanted to go with him and let my mom keep the boys, so that if something were to go wrong, I could help out. Did he want to listen to either of us? No. Is this something new? No. We have always had differing opinions, but now, as I have shared before, his opinions are much stronger, and he is much more adamant about having his own way. Whenever it does not cause problems for his or anyone else's safety, normally, I let him do whatever he wants. I pick my battles.

This was going to be a battle, so I enlisted help. I called his brother.

Charles was happy to go with us to the memorial service. It was a friend of his, too, although not as close to him as to Cecil, but Charles wanted to take the opportunity to let his girlfriend visit his hometown with him. His idea was to leave late Friday afternoon when he got off work and for the four of us drive down together. He somehow talked Cecil into doing that.

We arrived in town at midnight, slept late into the morning, ate a late breakfast, went to the memorial, drove around town for a few hours, ate dinner with their mom, and headed back home. It was a long, tiring trip for everyone. We arrived back home at midnight. Cecil got up the next morning and somehow managed to make it to the 8:30 AM service at our church, because he had been scheduled to play the piano. He didn't want to disappoint our worship pastor, so he fulfilled all of his duties for this Sunday.  These duties included playing the piano for two morning services, accompanying the orchestra in the second service, accompanying the orchestra at 5 PM for their rehearsal, leading the praise band rehearsal at 6 PM, and playing the piano again for the evening service at 7 PM. He does not usually play for the second service, the evening service, or the orchestra, but this particular weekend, our other pianist was out, so he filled in for her. I offered to play some of the services for him, but he insisted that he could do it. He's always been able to do these things without much difficulty, but since the accident, things are different. He only has about 3-4 hours a day that he can do these kinds of mental exercises. Whenever he pushes himself past his 3-4 hour window, bad things happen.

We ended up going to the ER on Monday morning at 4 AM because he had a headache so bad that he thought he was having a stroke or an aneurysm. His headache was so bad that it woke him up, and his blood pressure was 155/110 when he checked it at home. He felt dizzy, like he had vertigo, too.

In the ER, they ran a battery of blood tests, did an EKG and a CT scan and found nothing out of the ordinary. They narrowed the headache down to stress, changed his blood pressure medication and told him to visit his primary care doctor later this week. We have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.

He blamed it all on his mom, his brother and me for not letting him drive to the memorial service on his own schedule and for making him work outside of his limitations. I blame it on him for not letting me help him and not doing things the way I said he should have done them. There is truth to both sides of our arguments, but we aren't going to make them. It's over, and thankfully, he has not mentioned it since Monday. He was so glad to be home from the ER and so glad that he was not admitted to the hospital that he even apologized to me for not going to the doctor the previous week like I had suggested. I was so thankful that it was not a stroke or aneurysm that I didn't say, "I told you so."

We have had a lot of people praying for us this past week and a half. I know that God is in control and will use this experience to help us better understand Cecil's new limitations. I don't know how long this will last. I don't know if these are permanent limitations or if it's still part of the healing process. I don't know if he will one day be able to do these relatively normal things and live the way a relatively normal person would. I don't know if he will be or would have been able to make the drive on his own. I don't know what the future holds. The one thing I know is that God is faithful. I know that "the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." (Psalm 84:11)

Those are the kinds of promises to which I cling whenever I don't know what is going to happen. I have a hard time not being in control all the time, and I know that God is using these challenges to teach me to trust Him more fully. I hope I am up for the challenge.